Whilst the media seem determined to keep the economic outlook for the remainder of the year as gloomy as possible with the publishing of a predicted sixth consecutive quarter fall in GDP, 1st Place were on a mission to raise spirits. And it seems to have done the trick.

Keeping in the spirit of our themed call out days, the London sales team donned neon leg warmers, added day glow prints and back combed their hair to a ridiculous size as they dressed as the kids from Fame! The aim of the game was to spend the day, new business calling to set-up appointments with prospective clients for our sales selection and development services.

It is amazing what can be achieved when you are dressed like a throwback from a script light 80′s  TV show.

The six participants of the London sales team turned the phones neon orange for 5 hours between 10am and 3pm. Just over 1,000 outbound calls resulted in a disappointing 58 executive level conversations, less than 6% of sales directors it seemed wanted to talk today. The impressive result though was that from these 58 sales conversations 16 appointments were  set. That is a far more impressive conversion rate of 28%, with almost 1 in 3 sales conversations resulting in an appointment.

6 sales people, 5 hours, 16 meetings, that’s a case if ever I heard one for dressing up.

Can’t help thinking we missed a trick though, as today was National talk like a Pirate day. Arr me hearty’s, thar always be next year!

I keep six honest…

I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
I send them over land and sea,
I send them east and west;
But after they have worked for me,
I give them all a rest.

I let them rest from nine till five,
For I am busy then,
As well as breakfast, lunch, and tea,
For they are hungry men.
But different folk have different views;
I know a person small-
She keeps ten million serving-men,
Who get no rest at all!

She sends’em abroad on her own affairs,
From the second she opens her eyes-
One million Hows, two million Wheres,
And seven million Whys!

Sir Alan should've used 1st Place and saved 3 months!

Whilst the chocolates may have been bloody awful the business idea was solid and it was a fairy tale ending to the apprentice for Yasmina.

As James McQuillan would undoubtedly say, “Yasmina has woken up this morning with the taste of success in her spit”.

All of the team at 1st Place wish Yasmina the very best of success in her new role with AMScreen.

Now let’s talk about effectiveness.

It took Sir Alan 12 weeks to realise that Yasmina was the natural winner of this years apprentice, choosing to rely on his gut instinct rather than the 11 weeks of tasks and 4 interviews, he’d put her though.

Now there is a place for gut instinct when making hiring decisions, but you can’t rule out the importance of skills assessment. When we saw Yasmina at our assessment centre back in 2006, it took us 4 hours to determine she had what it took to pass the day and start a business career. We reached our decision based on 6 simulations run in groups, pairs and individually.

We didn’t know she would go on and win the apprentice, but we did know that she’d be a winner. Our assessment centre is 97% accurate in predicting business success and our training programme delivers a staff retention rate of 96%, 12 months after starting a new role.

To blow our own trumpet that makes us 540 times more efficient than Sir Alan.  Sir Alan does this once a year, we do it twice a week so you’d expect us to be good.

All in, working with us, we would expect you to increase sales 37% and reduce cost 30% without shelling out for a £100,000 salary!

So if you are looking to hire your own apprentice why not give us a try? You can reach me, Dan Harris on 0845 365 4567 or dan@1pgr.com.

Apprentice Winner

Okay a bit of a lie, but we do know there will be only 1 winner in our eyes. By way of some shameless self promotion we are backing Yasmina to win. Yasmina passed through the 1st Place assessment centre way back in 2006 and we spotted the talent in the fresh young graduate she was then. Now, some would say that Sir Alan’s selection process is tough, but given the woeful standards of this year’s intake, I’d argue it’s not a patch on ours!

In Yasmina’s defence, she can only compete with the others who made it onto the show. In light of this pretty dubious opposition she has given a good account of herself. Yasmina has been Project Manager 3 times and won 3 times. She has also kept out of the boardroom firing line, with only 1 appearance in front of suralan. That’s the best pedigree of the final 5 and a good reflection on our selection and training standards here at 1st Place.

That leaves just the interview grilling between her and the final. Having interviewed Yasmina myself, she’s no fool, but it’s going to be difficult for her to get through in this notoriously subjective round (remember Paul going out in series 2 after never losing a task?).  I know she’s got the ability, she just has to prove it and not say anything too bloody stupid!

So come on Yasmina do us proud and get yourself into Sunday’s Final. 

Shameless plug – “If you’d like some REAL sales talent rather than hapless wannabes to join  your team;  mail me, dan@1pgr.com or call me on 0845 365 7650″ 

Dan Harris – 1st Place

He may dodge bullets but the not the firing line

I was both delighted and disinterested by last night’s Apprentice. The task was to flog baby products and just like a new mum, it made me feel a bit ‘yawny’.  (That’s the technical term for tired, by the way.)

The teams – led by Lorraine and James by virtue of the fact their loins have produced fruit – had to source two products and sell it at The Baby Show in Earl’s Court, a hothouse of fertility that draws thousands of parents and soon-to-be parents with an eye for a bargain.

The task allowed James to wax lyrical on pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood in front of his Empire minions, Debra, Yasmina and Ben. My particular favourite comment of his was about breastfeeding. Apparently if a lady isn’t comfortable, the taps get turned off , leading Ben to quick “the left ones hot andt the rights cold”. We also heard that the presence of a Play Station in the birthing unit would have made his wife’s labour more interesting for him (how proud she must be).

Lorraine’s team – Ignite, the other members of which were Kate and Howard – elected to peddle the pop-up pushchair and a child protection cap for the paranoid parent.

James’s team went with a inflatable birthing pool (is it just me or do those things gross you out?) and a rocking horse that retailed at – wait for it – between £1700 and £4000. With no room for bargaining. Missed a trick there. 

You can see why Empire opted for the rocking horse (aside from Debra’s deep, abiding love for it. Makes me think “someone” didn’t have a pony when she was younger). However, it was a risky strategy. If just one person buys the thing, you’re in. If no one buys, you’re going to have to shift an awful lot of birthing pools (second question about birthing pools: once you’ve popped out your sprog and cleaned it [the pool, not the sprog], can you use it as a paddling pool?)

There was the usual moment of drama ahead of the selling; in this case it was Ignite stressing about someone else with their pushchair at the expo. But it wasn’t really that dramatic, kind of like the episode, really.

There were also the usual cringe-worthy moments. Most of them came from Lorraine and her inability to grasp the concept of her collapsible chair. Honestly, Lorraine, I would have thought you’d have mastered this before the event. Spent the night before practising putting the chair up and down? But no…

It was pretty clear who was going to win. There was another moment of near drama when Debra came THIS close to selling a rocking horse. But the bloke wanted £214 off the asking price and she couldn’t give it to him. In the boardroom it was revealed that Empire posted sales of £722 while Ignite’s were over £1600. Lorraine, who in previous episodes has been cocky and combative, was demure and slightly nervous in this boardroom appearance, then humbled and clearly very relieved to have won. She also attracted the praise of her peers for stellar team leadership.

Sir Alan was also a changed man. He was rather subdued, seemed a little tired and a little worn out by the boardroom. Could this be the beginning of the end?

A man who wasn’t changed was Ben. This week he was, again, bolshy, arrogant and he spouted the same sort of rubbish we’ve regularly heard from him for the past two months or so. I mean, he brought up the bloody army scholarship, again! I don’t know whether this puff from Ben is because that’s who he really is or whether he’s hiding behind this bravado because he’s just a scared little boy. Either way, it’s annoying.

James played the “I’m a good, people-person kinda guy” card, while Debra did her line in ruthless, take-no-prisoners cow. In the end. Suralan decided that despite the fact Margaret and Nick despise Debra, it was Ben he could deal with no longer (praise the lord!). So he gave him the boot after telling him: “I think you think quite a lot of yourself”. Really?

Then, surprisingly, there was some emotion from old mate. The man of Sugar revealed this was not a “nice” decision. He even praised Ben, saying the lad “done alright to get to this stage”.

All-in-all it was a so-so episode. The task wasn’t inspiring and not even Sir Alan could muster up some enthusiasm. Our girl Yasmin though gave a good account of herself, and I think whe could be in with a shout of the final.

Next week sees the candidates going all ‘home shopping channel’ on us, which should prove more entertaining. I’ve always wanted to appear on one of those shows…not!

This latest episode of The Apprentice was all about back-stabbing, finger pointing and treachery. How apt, then, that Margaret refer to a character in Greek tragedy to describe Lorraine, the unlikely heroine in this seedy tale of power and corruption.

The task this week; to flog a range of items for their full value. The catch: that value is unknown, and all the contestants are thick as two short planks.

This was Sir Alan’s toughest task to date. It involved a number of difficult decisions – each team had to work out the value of their ten assigned objects, then figure out where to sell them, zip around London, and somehow avoid murdering each other en route. Philip headed up the girl’s team, Ignite, while brawny Ben took on Empire.

The teams had one day to shift all their items. Some were worthless, others valuable. The jewel in the crown in their respective stashes was an Indian rug, worth over £200.

Philip, the cocky wide boy from Durham, quickly declared that the carpet was “a piece of shite”. Lorraine, later dubbed “Cassandra” by Margaret in the boardroom, was adamant that the rug was valuable. She was overruled by her testosterone-fuelled team leader.

Just to jog your memories, Cassandra was the woman cursed by Apollo to always speak the truth but never be believed. It was an asute observation for a show that usually stays below 2 on the “words of wisdom” Richter scale.

The rug was a sticking point in Ignite’s side all day.  Especially as Philip refused to believe it was valuable, even at the very end, accepting £50 for it from an inebriated man on the pavement.

But Philip’s failings were a drop in the ocean compared to rival leader, Ben. The wannabe Apprenticeproclaimed, “I am a natural born leader,” at the beginning of the show. “I’ve been in situations with heavy gunfire, explosions, people getting injured, that’s when I can lead,” he said. Pity the task wasn’t set in a Laser Quest then, eh Ben?

Instead of leading, Ben panicked, selling off valuable items in a job lot for £1. He lost his grip on the team and the task, and quite possibly his own mind. His team made a staggering loss of £169 at the end of the day. When asked who he should bring in to the boardroom, he chose Noorul – fair point, that little snake in the grass has survived too long – then announced that James was coming in too. It came out of nowhere. James hadn’t even been mentioned in the previous tirades about poor performance. Even Sir Alan was taken aback. “Why James?” he asked. “Do you think that there’s a village somewhere missing an idiot?” Surely one of suralan’s best put downs and one that obviuosly went straight over James’s head, a rabbit in the headlights sprang to mind. 

Ben soon realised his mistake and backtracked. “I’ll take Deborah instead,” he babbled. But it’s this hot-headed impulsiveness that makes us doubt he’ll stay in the game for long.

Later, when the tragic trio were summoned back into the lion’s den, a screaming match ensured. Deborah, like a Fury from Greek tragedy, could not control her harping. It very nearly cost her place in the penthouse and produced an incedulous look from Nick, which prompted Sir Alan to jump to his defense (albeit slowly). But Noorul, oh Noorul, you repulsive little snitch, you really shot yourself in the foot this time.

Realising that the odds were stacked against him, he tried to save his skin by ratting out egomaniac Ben. “Sir Alan, there’s something you should know,” said the science teacher from Rochdale. “Ben’s been bragging about all the magazine deals he’s going to get. He can’t wait to take his shirt off and show off with a rugby ball.”

It was a low blow and one that sealed his fate. If there’s one thing Sir Alan will not stand for, it’s snitching. “I’ve heard enough,” he said. Two beats later and the finger of doom was pointing at Noorul with the immortal words, “You’re fired!”

But the whole show was less “business entertainment” than cautionary tale. An example of how dismal human beings can be, and it took earnest criticism from James, “the idiot”, to illustrate just how low the wannabes sank this month.

“You come in here and you say ‘I’m so strong’, ‘get rid of the weakest link’,” he said to Ben, obviously still reeling from his leader’s attempt to scapegoat him earlier in the day. “But you showed in there that you’re totally spineless and you shat your pants.”

As for our girl Yasmina, she had a quiet task and kept herself out of the spot light to position herself as a potential finalist. At least we hope so.  

Not such a ruff tuff cream puff!

Will there ever be a more inappropriate Apprentice product based around pants? I’m going to go out on a limb and say “no”. 

Task round-up: come up with a brand and an advert for a new type of breakfast cereal that will appeal to kiddies and parentals alike.

Kate – she of the perfect smile – was team leader of Empire, and boldly suggested that “no sex sells” in this task. Hello, Captain Obvious? Actually no, in light of the other team’s choice.

While Empire was busy designing a brand around Captain Squwark, the pirate parrot (try saying that ten times in a row), Ignite was mulling over a cereal ambassador called… wait for it… Pants Man.

Phil came up with the idea and threw a little tantrum when Lorraine suggested the idea was (I don’t know?) pants. Phil’s argument was that the cereal was so natural, you feel naked, but with pants. That idea morphed into, if you eat this cereal, you won’t wear your pants on the outside of your clothes. Cause only superheroes like Pants Man do that. Yeah.

He won them over (Lorraine being the obvious exception – she remained unconvinced for the rest of the episode) with his jingle, which contained the immortal line “dance in your pants”. Phil, you’re killing me. Really, you are.

Kimberly went with it, though, and they decided to call the cereal Wake-up Call. However, because they’d spent so much time coming up with the idea, they left designing the box to the last minute. Kimmy made a call to the design bloke at the ad agency they were working at with some very brief instructions on what she wanted. We all know where this is going, don’t we… In contrast, Empire’s cereal box was fantastic.

The following day the teams shot their advertisements. Kate went all out on a big, complicated production. She hired a child actor (who was allergic to nuts) and a professional singer for the jingle (although replaced her with Ben – who’s still intensely annoying, by the way – talking in a gruff pirate voice).

Kate done good on this task. Her ad might have been a bit pedestrian but she was confident, she held the team together and was decisive. Kudos, Kate.

On to Ignite, Kimberly put Noorul (“I do amateur photography. I’d love to be behind the camera” – course you would) in the Pants Man suit and shot what was actually a very good ad (although it wasn’t as amusing as the team thought it was) with Phil providing the voice for the jingle. The sound man wryly observed: “I think he may think he’s Bono.” Never a truer word – Phil’s ego is out of control at the moment. 

Then came the pitch to the advertising execs. Suralan showed just how awful the Pants Man idea was. While the execution of the ad was top-shelf, the actual product and the thinking behind it was horrendous.

The boardroom battle panned out predictably. Kimmy brought Phil (for the idea) and Lorraine (for being disruptive) in front of Sir Alan. Noorul was saved AGAIN. Heavens to Betsy, please can this man be despatched next week? Please? Please? He is clinically useless. My grandma, who often mistakes her handbag for the freezer, would be better on this show than he.

Kimberley’s dramatics – “I have always championed you,” she cried to Lorraine, single white female-style – didn’t endear her to Sir Alan who, despite concerns over Lorraine’s team-playing abilities and Phil’s new holier-than-thou attitude, gave her the boot.

And so, to next week….

Cheese on a stick anyone?

As the teams went head to head with their catering businesses, the girls make some serious bread while Empire’s project manager Rocky Andrews finds himself in hot water.

It was a relatively straightforward task: flog some sarnies to some City slickers and make a profit. But that wouldn’t have been good telly. Luckily for the Beeb’s producers, most of the hotshots who appear on the hit TV show display one similar characteristic: they’ve had their common sense gene removed.

I’m talking, principally, about the boys’ team. At some point during their task, reason left the building. A bunch of grown men, not in the best shape, wearing togas, serving cold curry vol-au-vants to 500 lawyers in a room decorated with gold lame? Words escape me.

Philip Taylor, an estate agent and the sharpest tool in this particular box, smelled disaster from the outset. And it wasn’t just the grim food. “This place looks like a brothel,” he said, as nude statues and gold tablecloths were scattered willy-nilly (sorry) around the plush offices of a leading law firm.

Empire’s day didn’t begun too well either. Having failed to secure any contracts for their 2012 Olympics themed sandwich company, the boys had been selling their “sarnies from five continents” on street corners. One pitch, slap bang in a tourist trap on the South Bank, did a roaring trade. But once they’d sold out of all-American peanut butter on rye, did they dash back to make more? Did they hell.

The girls, on the flipside, were a hive of activity. Team leader, Yasmina Siadatan (a graduate of the 1st Place system) , who volunteered herself for the role, knew the territory. She owns her own restaurant  and focused on the profit from the outset: “I want to see 70 per cent gross profit”. Like a Gordon Ramsay with breasts, she ruled those women with a rod of iron, churning out platters of half-filled Mediterranean wraps to keep overheads down.

In the boardroom at the end of the task, it was hard to imagine whose balls were bigger: Siadatan’s or Sir Alan’s.

She made  Rocky Andrews, team leader on the opposition, look decidedly limp. Considering the chap runs 15 sandwich bars, employing 150 people, his performance left us feeling cheated and empty. The boys’ takings at the end of the day were similarly feeble. Having spent a whopping £820 on ingredients and props, the boys made a gut-wrenching loss of £160 by the end of the day. The girls, who emptied the budget frozen section of ASDA for their supplies, not only brought in £1,006 for a day’s work but turned out £650 profit.

The whole episode ran like Fawlty Towers on crack. The girls’ giant bruschetta saw accountants skidding around in tomato goo. “The food looks like it’s come from a funeral at a working man’s club,” said licensing manager Kate Walsh. While the boys’ “modern version of a ploughmans” – i.e. cheese on a stick, couldn’t have looked more out of place amidst all the pomp and swagger of the City suits.

Nevertheless, the purpose of the task was not to make good food. It wasn’t to make friends or secure long term business. It was to make money. Siadatan, restaurateur or not, had no qualms feeding her clients reconstituted chicken to bring home the bacon.

Our hopes are all pinned on Siadatan now. Let’s just hope she doesn’t give ‘Suralan’ food poisoning before the series is out.

This year's motley crew of business wannabes

Assessing the candidates once again during the job interview from hell with  Sir Alan Sugar, are the growing stars of the show, no-nonsense advisers Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford.

‘Sir Alan will be sifting the wheat from the chaff in a series of gruelling tasks and gripping boardroom showdowns in what promises to be the most tense and unpredictable series yet,’ according to the BBC.

Failure is not an option and mistakes won’t be tolerated as tough-talking Sir Alan wastes no time in telling them who’s boss: ‘I don’t care where you’re from or what your last job was. You think you can second guess or play me? Well let me tell you, I’m as hard to play as a Stradivarius.  First prize – you get to work for me. Second prize – doesn’t exist.’

Sir Alan holds no punches as he makes his intentions clear to this year’s competitors: ‘I’m going to find out if you’re the real deal or just a bunch of empty designer suits and dresses.’

Series five will see egos collide and tempers soar as the cut-throat competition gets tougher and tougher with each challenge. The budding apprentices will open a catering service for busy professionals, rebrand an iconic British seaside resort in a bid to attract more tourists, invent and market a new piece of gym equipment and launch new products in a string of ‘merciless missions with no second chances’.

Although the candidates will live in a luxurious London penthouse with sweeping views of the capital, the weeks ahead will be anything but glamorous as they roll up their tailored sleeves and embark upon weeks of hard graft with only one emerging victorious.

1st Place will be tracking the contenders progress closesly over the coming weeks. Check back for our next post, commentary and some cracking one liners from Sir Alan.